


You're the Courage When I Fade

by Maloire



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24194779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maloire/pseuds/Maloire
Summary: Post-Ultimecia battle.  Squall searches for a way out of time compression with the hopes of seeing his friends again.  Encouraged by Laguna’s words, will he be able to reconnect with Rinoa?  [One-Shot][Complete]
Relationships: Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	You're the Courage When I Fade

Another fifty paces. There’s nothing except bleak sky and dust. Still no one in sight. Still nothing but the sounds of my boots, belts, and Griever pendant keeping time on my chest with each step. Is there really nothing to this wasteland but a cracked plane?

While there is an unearthly swirling overhead it manages to feel like I've been swallowed in a lifeless void. Soul draining. I'm drowning in suffocating grey waves. I’ve overheard people comment my eyes have a stormy quality, I'm not sure if that’s true, but I hope my eyes never take on the look that surrounds me.

I shake my head, got to keep moving. Quistis, I'm sure it was her, once said freezing on the battlefield was tantamount to accepting death. Even if I can't tangibly discern my enemy this _is_ a fight. I grind my teeth to maintain focus. You're a SeeD, do another fifty steps.

After facing war machines, monsters from the moon, supernaturally enhanced individuals… I was impaled by shrapnel, mercilessly tortured, had to stand by while fellow students were sacrificed for ‘the bigger picture.’ All this to literally die alone?

Get it together, Squall. Maybe my friends are over that ridge… I clench a gloved fist and continue.

Give me a battle to the death, something where I have a chance to fight back. Where I can deal back the pain the enemy pushes forward. Where my actions can express my intentions; my blade can prove my resolve. Don’t give me this helpless situation.

I don’t know where to go.

Just… Take a deep breath. I can do fifty more. Yes, let’s go.

Lionheart, usually a source of comfort at my side, feels more like dead weight. Fifty… Or was that only forty? My legs are stiffening, can I keep this up?

Laguna’s words bubble up from the back of my mind, _“As friends, don’t forget one another! As friends, believe in one another!”_

At the time it seemed like even Laguna doubted what he was spouting. Maybe the others were just willing to cling to it as we had no other alternatives before diving into this mission. Under better circumstances I would have preferred to run our options through a more thorough strategy and fool proofing session. How bizarre to find our experts had come to the same conclusion as Laguna’s well wishing. ‘Love and friendship,’ a plan so corny it was laughable. 

And yet I managed to fail at it. I can feel my heart give a squeeze in panic. No one else is here.

_“Believe in your friends’ existence! And they’ll also believe in yours.”_

Where had I gone wrong? Had the plan changed without me? Did Ultimecia win? …did my friends not believe in me either?

Stop thinking. You're overthinking. Keep moving. One foot in front of the other.

The ‘sky’ is darkening around me. Maybe I'm wandering further into the maw of some beast. The air is neither humid nor arid. All I feel is the nothingness of this place. Am I even alive?

My boot catches awkwardly on the ground causing a staccato in my shuffling. I'm tiring. The dead don’t tire, right? I guess that’s a good sign then.

Wait, how is walking ‘til you sway like a drunk good? Slow down. Remember your training. One step at a time. If you lose count, start over. There we go, just like that. Footwork forms the foundation no matter your weapon. 

If I concentrate hard enough, I can feel the tickle of a memory escaping Shiva’s grasp. I'm thrashing around like a fool from the weight of my first gunblade. I'm not sure if it was true ambition or the chance to master it before Seifer that motivated me to continue in the Training Centre long into the night. I shake some dust from my sleeves. Had he made it through time compression? Was that really our last showdown? I hope he woke up to reality at least.

Hope? I've come to the edge of the visible landscape. I'm at the end. Was this all pointless? It doesn’t matter, my legs are giving out anyway.

_“To be friends, to like one another, and to love one another… You can’t do these things alone. You need somebody.”_

If there was anybody who could find me now, I hope it’s you. I don’t care if you tease me for days. My head is getting heavy. Nothing left but to remember what I can while I can.

I still don’t know why Cid agreed to your proposal. Guess I'm not the only one who fell under your spell. I have no reservations about that though. When things were getting tough you said you didn’t want to drag us down due to your inexperience. Here we are and my training isn't enough. Maybe with more time… Sorry everyone, I'm not sure I…

What have I been learning all this time? Books of rules and regulations. Committing to muscle memory ways to kill, ways to not get caught, ways to escape if need be, and ways to make sure nobody else makes it out should it come to that. Is it sad that this is what I considered my comfort zone? A world built around those parameters? You were right, it is easier when someone else gives the orders. I hope you all can forgive me for leading you here.

I need to lie down. No, can't risk falling asleep. Who knows what nightmares are waiting for me if _this_ is reality?

Where was I? Rinoa. Meeting you… Was that part of fate? Being naïve and optimistic should be a weakness, and yet… You found a way to make friends in a rebellion. You believe in the causes you fight for, and you are willing to fight tooth and nail. How is that possible? I hope you find me soon.

There were times you would not shut up. Even when I pushed you away, like I always do. You’re just as stubborn as me. It scared me to learn it was worse when I couldn’t hear your voice. Please, don’t give up.

You got me to dance when I was ready to walk away without another look. Why? The fireworks and stars are nothing in comparison to your spark. You managed to get me to lend you my ring. I never do that. You did something that made me not want to leave your side. I don’t understand it. I confessed things to you I try not to even think about when I'm by myself. I need you.

The first time I thought I was dying, you were there. I was falling backwards. I remember thinking it must be bad if my body was registering the impact of the ice without the pain associated to it. The last thing in my line of sight was you. You were so concerned. 

In that twist of fate when everyone was ready to surrender you to the clutches of space, I was determined to be with you even if I didn’t make it back. I couldn’t bear the thought of you believing we’d abandoned you.

We made it out only for Esthar to shackle you like another Adel. I couldn’t stand to see you locked away. I'm sorry I didn’t stop them sooner. Everything was happening too fast. I don’t regret tearing away their machinery, you're not a demon that should be imprisoned.

Is that what has happened here? Is this punishment?

I can't lose you. You're my angel. Rinoa, I can't do this alone. Please, give me a sign you're out there. I'm not giving up. We promised… **We**.

_I’ll be here._

**Author's Note:**

> That’s probably the fastest I've ever finished a piece that wasn’t a poem. I've been listening to random playlists and “Honeybee” by The Head and The Heart came up a couple of times. I really recommend the song, it’s much more lighthearted than this turned out. Anyway, the lyrics made me think of Squall and Rinoa, and I felt the (spoiler) the ending of the game was the best reflection of those words. The title of this fic is from those lyrics as a tip of the hat to the band. 
> 
> Please do let me know what you think. It’s been a while since I posted anything new and I’d appreciate any kind of feedback.


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